09 May reSoulin’ my Dancing Shoes!

{ a page from my diary, dated October 26, 2002 }

I turned 50 today. Guess that means I’ve officially lived over half my life. My vacation is half over.

Michele* surprised me and flew in from Maine. We went shopping all day at the outlet mall. It was a low key birthday, but a lot of fun.

Phew, 50! All I can think about is how much more I want to do. I haven’t even gotten halfway down my list. I want to go back to El Salvador and see if it’s what I remember from my childhood. I’d love to go back to school and get re-energized creatively . . . I miss being around young, vibrant creative people. I’d kill for the chance to design and build a house, or several houses, from the ground up. I want to change the whole educational system in this country, maybe teach. I want to get my pilot’s license, and I really want to live in New York before I die.

I’ve had so much fun in my life, God, I’m just not ready to slow down like my body’s telling me to do. I wonder why I have such a restless soul —  it’s never quiet, never at peace, never content. Why am I always searching for something else, pushing to go and see and explore? I’m envious of my friends who are slowing down, smelling the roses — why can I not be at peace, satisfied with all the blessings you’ve given me?

Maybe you’ve given me a soul that will just dance in this body of mine til the day I die. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe it is.

* many of you have asked who Michele is . . . she’s my dear seeestah { my very talented sister from Maine www.MicheleStapleton.com  and www.MaineWeddingPhotographer.com  }