The Final Mile of Writing a Memoir

There are a lot of emotions tangled up in writing your life story. I have come to learn that it’s not MY story, but a tapestry of many people’s stories all woven together. 

It’s been cathartic writing through the struggles Jim and I faced in our marriage. Wading through the nitty-gritty of my mother’s history and her generation helped me soften a strained relationship. Friends who came to visit me while I walked New York each helped me through a difficult chapter of my life. But until now, the raw and very personal words I’ve written have been locked away safely in the hands of my writing coach and my editor. 

Now that I start trying to shop my story–making it public–I question my right to implicate those near and dear to me. One sentence, even one adjective can color a reader’s impression of my sister or my son. Have I chosen my words carefully enough? Will baring my innermost thoughts on paper embarrass my children? What right do I have sharing a myopic view of my mother, being that she is no longer here to offer her point of view. Will I be ostracized in the halls of my beloved church because I challenge what’s being taught in Christian classrooms? Will the pride of my Southern heritage come through when I share stories with those with preconceived notions of the South? My relationships with my family and friends are a hell of a lot more important to me than selling a book.

This has been a tough week for me as I prepared to travel to New York to present my manuscript to an agent. I’ve had a real come-to-Jesus with myself. Writing this book has helped me heal so isn’t that enough? Should I just tuck it in a footlocker for my children to read upon my death as Francesca did in my favorite film, Bridges of Madison County?

Or should I try to meet the goal I set in the beginning, to push just one woman to take thirty days out of the rat race of her life—time away to assess, to recalibrate, and to refuel herself. If I could accomplish that, I would feel justified in breaking the rule by which I was raised: “No need to air our dirty laundry.”

Phew.


“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”  The attribution of this quote to Hemingway has been debated for years, according to The Hemingway Society

50 Comments
  • Trudymwilson
    Posted at 23:54h, 06 September

    Tell your story to inspire others … including myself.❤️

  • Martha Fair
    Posted at 06:06h, 07 September

    I am in awe of you, Lisa Weldon!

  • linda mangold
    Posted at 06:29h, 07 September

    Lisa, I for one can’t wait for you to show your talent to the world. You’re an inspiration, especially to those who want to pursue their dreams and follow a little different path as they get older. I look forward to reading your story. I know it will be wonderful.

  • Molly Hicks Hardin
    Posted at 06:37h, 07 September

    Lisa, I can’t wait to read it! You encourage me to be true and share truth. Molly

  • Lee St. John
    Posted at 07:50h, 07 September

    “You tell everybody everything,” my private mother told me over and over. Born in 1913, it wasn’t her style. But a former popular student of hers and respected teacher of mine, just eight years older, did the same. She is who I’d like to be like. Even when she was a little girl and had to be removed from her 1950 elementary classroom one day and from the building for talking too much, she worried how much trouble was she going to get into from her mother. On the quiet car ride home, her mother eventually spoke and said, “Carol, this is going to make you an interesting adult one day.” Years later helping high school students with their problems by telling her real life stories with self-deprecating humor which carried messages they could understand, she was selected Teacher of the Year many times. She spoke around the state for United Methodist Church Conferences. She makes an empact by telling it all. Lisa, I feel sure yours will, too. Good luck in NYC.

  • Dave Matthews
    Posted at 08:02h, 07 September

    Great teaser post. Having known you as a little girl I will be very interested in reading your life story! Good luck on getting it published.

  • Donna
    Posted at 08:27h, 07 September

    I understand the hesitation. It stops me from putting a “story” on paper. My memoir isn’t locked in a footlocker; it’s locked in my heart.

  • Molly
    Posted at 09:05h, 07 September

    I love this Lisa. Such a poignant – and relatable – way of sharing the emotions you’re wrestling with. If I may share with you something I’ve been wrestling with too… it’s that I wish I knew the stories of my elders – the joyous, the gut-wrenching, the horrors, the love… generations past shape the future in ways we can’t even begin to fathom. Understanding the perspectives and being able to get to a place where we can at least understand the conflict within that led to the choices they made – or the harm they caused – connects us with humanity and – I believe – brings us peace. There is so much we can all learn from them.

  • Nancy Glenn
    Posted at 09:22h, 07 September

    Oh, Lisa. You and I grapple with some of the same issues. I try to remind myself (and state this clearly to my reader) that memoir is only my perspective – not at all intended to be the ultimate truth if there is such a thing – and to be kind and fair in representing myself and others: we are flawed creatures, well-intended, with motivations for our actions and choices. My goal is to consistently emphasize this. But, yes, writing memoir begs us to tell our truths; there will be those who have their own truths, sometimes at odds with ours. No way around that. It takes courage to confront ourselves through the painful course of writing memoir and to make our truths known to others — that requires the ultimate courage. Will it be worth the potential sacrifice?

  • Jennifer Stultz
    Posted at 09:26h, 07 September

    Publish that book. Inspire those of us who have books locked inside us. The people who know and love you may bristle a bit but they will be proud to have been part of the healing and pain that have brought you back to them.

  • Jane Kelley
    Posted at 09:32h, 07 September

    If it gets published, it was meant to be. You’re a wonderful writer, and I’m happy you’re sharing your talent. You will inspire others — and have already.

  • Christine Tuton
    Posted at 09:36h, 07 September

    Lisa, I think you are an amazing person. You have always had a positive attitude no matter what you were going through. Good luck in getting this published quickily.

  • Sally (Wallace) McClelland
    Posted at 09:36h, 07 September

    I was recently listening to a CBC interview where the writer mentioned telling a story that involved her younger brother. She ran it past him because she didn’t want to surprise him and he told her that it didn’t even happen that way. I guess they were both surprised. LOL

    Anyway, I am so proud of you. I was just rereading Pride & Prejudice (for the umpteenth time) and would probably put you in the category of one of the “accomplished” ladies. I say ‘probably’ because you can write, and I know you can draw, but can you net a purse ? (whatever that is)

  • Cathy Brashear
    Posted at 10:14h, 07 September

    Embrace change, you have been doing it your entire life and look where you are today. So proud of you!!

  • Joan
    Posted at 10:41h, 07 September

    Can’t WAIT to read every word you wrote!! You are my inspiration!

  • Annie Gillespie
    Posted at 10:54h, 07 September

    You are a very inspirational women to so many, Lisa Weldon. Just look at all who follow you on your postings. Just look at your three beautiful children and how much they love you and respect you. I’m really looking forward to reading your book as are so many who call you a friend, mentor and/or teacher.

  • Gala Harris
    Posted at 11:16h, 07 September

    You have been a role model for me since before you knew who I am. As a new mom at church, I was captivated by your spirit and energy with the young kids at vacation bible school and then found myself paying attention and hanging on every piece of advice you ever shared with me. I have wondered how the people you write about feel from the time I learned of your project. You are the kind person who is thinking through every scenario for your situation. I think your story could enlighten so many – like me. Should you chose the ‘foot locker’ option…..could you please slip me a secret copy first?

  • Buffie Whitt
    Posted at 11:43h, 07 September

    Admiring your gumption and wishing you the very best, Lisa!

  • JANIS MILLER
    Posted at 11:44h, 07 September

    Take that final step! You set the goal and you owe it to yourself to do it. Plus, I cannot wait to read this book!!! And you are not alone in your journey, just talented enough to write it down. We’re with you girlfriend!!!‍‍♀️

  • Dawn Gunter
    Posted at 12:03h, 07 September

    I am so excited for you and cannot wait to read the final product!!

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 07:15h, 11 September

      After all those days and nights of me holed up in my Cross Creek apartment, writing…I know y’all wondered why I was so anti-social. I miss you, my friend.

  • Martha Alexander
    Posted at 12:53h, 07 September

    You are a kind person, Lisa. I hope the ones you love who are described in your book can look at it with love and accept your words as your view of what happened. I realize how hard it is to know the truth of our past. There are so many truths. You’re just telling one.
    Sending you love.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 07:12h, 11 September

      After my mother died, there was so much I wanted to know…especially about how she felt about things. Hopefully, my kids will know my true feelings. There’s so much we don’t say. Thank you for your kind, kind note.

  • Lee St. John
    Posted at 13:39h, 07 September

    Well, heck Early this morning hoping to make you feel better, I wrote an endearingly long anecdote about someone who I wanted to be like who helped me and others with her own anecdotes using self-deprecating humor and no grandiosity. I hope it shows up from cyberspace, but in case it doesn’t, I’ll just have to tell you in person. I am too lazy/forgetful to type it all again. Just know I am TEAM-WELDON.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 07:00h, 11 September

      I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, my friend! We are definitely a team.

  • Fred Stapleton
    Posted at 18:11h, 07 September

    If Grandmother Stapleton was still alive, what would she tell you to do?

    If your father was alive, he would be proud of you regardless of your decision, but what would he feel in his heart if you don’t?

    Would you rather say, “Hey, I took a shot,” or ask yourself, “What if?”

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 06:58h, 11 September

      Oh, Freddie, you know how to get to me. I know exactly what Daddy would say…as he did SO many times. “I’m proud of my little girl.”

  • Sallye
    Posted at 18:33h, 07 September

    I am for publishing it. If someone gets offended we are all sorry, but it is your life and the way you saw it. Love you!!

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 06:56h, 11 September

      Well said, from someone who knows my secrets! Love you.

  • Sally (Wallace) McClelland
    Posted at 20:22h, 07 September

    I am so proud of you. I was listening to an interview on CBC and the writer mentioned the inclusion of a story about her younger brother. She ran it past him beforehand so as not to surprise him and he informed her that it hadn’t actually happened that way. They were both surprised.

    I was recently rereading Pride & Prejudice (for the umpteenth time) and would probably put you in the category of an “accomplished lady”. I say ‘probably’ because you can write, I know you can draw, but can you net a purse? (whatever that is)

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 06:55h, 11 September

      Knit a purse? Can’t do that. Net $ from this book? Hope I can do that. and btw, no, I could never draw that well….especially when put up again Marilyn H!!! I wish you lived next door, my friend!

  • Vickie S.
    Posted at 06:24h, 08 September

    I can’t wait to read your book, Lisa.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 06:53h, 11 September

      I was just in NY at a literary conference and it seems my fears are common among other memoirists. But your words keep me on track. Thank you for being my cheerleader.

  • Ros
    Posted at 17:53h, 08 September

    This is YOUR story and we want to read it. This is your time to finally put yourself first and that isn’t selfish but healthy.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 06:51h, 11 September

      Great perspective, my friend. I can’t wait to see you in December. Let me know the dates. I have a writing residency during December but I want to work around it. Plus, I will have an extra bedroom if you want it!

  • Nancy Tuttle
    Posted at 17:02h, 11 September

    You are such an inspiration! I would love when (not if!) your book is published, you will make the circuit and come to Philly. I am in 2 book clubs, and would LOVE to have you come to discuss it – you can even stay here with us!!!

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 13:45h, 13 September

      Honey, I’m there. Number one, to visit with YOU. Number two, I’d love to meet your book club!

  • Jan Myhre
    Posted at 18:42h, 13 September

    Hello Lisa, Congratulations. I have shared the same memoir journey and found it daunting. I finally read a book that straightened out my thinking regarding what to reveal and what to keep to myself. The trouble is I have to begin again.

    What happened? I had intended to write a love letter to my two sons. What resulted was a rant about my relationship with my mother. My sons can read that book next. For now, the love letter takes prescident. I’m on the final edit and will self publish a few copies. for family.

    Writing the first draft healed the rift between my mom and I. But, that is not the woman my boys knew. As I said in that draft, she loved them unconditionally and would have laid down her life for them. I now think she would have done the same for me, but that was not my opinion before I wrote those first words.

    Again, congratulations. I leave you with my favorite quote: “What people think of me is none of my business” I’m not sure who said it, but I have taken it to heart and my heart is grateful.

    Jan Myhre, Haven Alum.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 04:13h, 16 September

      Oh, this is amazing. I had the same exact experience. I started writing about my walking journey and 6 years later, it’s a book about healing. Writing this has been such a gift. I wish I could convince everyone to write, I swear. PS: Maybe you weren’t ready to write that love letter until you understood your mother.

  • 1010ParkPlace
    Posted at 10:26h, 22 September

    I saw a comment you left on Laura Munson’s IG page. This coming week I’ll be in Montana, with Laura, embarking on my memoir adventure… heartbreak… ah-ha moments. Your journey is just getting started, and I wish you all the best. Sell it, girlfriend. Make it happen! Brenda

  • Jan Myhre
    Posted at 18:23h, 31 October

    Hi Lisa, Just found your blog on my “other” email site. Been such a tailspin around here I forgot I signed on. And I signed on to read your thoughts on writing a memoir. I wonder if the memoir process is similar in most cases. Mine profited me the most remarkable healing I have ever experienced. I would not trade that experience for a pound of gold. But, I, too, wondered about the family and how they would react to my writings re: my relationship with my mother. (And I’m not Southern!) So I pulled outt most of the negatives regarding my mom and the rest is all about who I am and who I have become. It will be a love letter to my sons. That will be their Christmas present. The rest of the text will have to wait. For now.

  • Jan Myhre
    Posted at 17:17h, 24 August

    Dear Lisa,
    Upon the completion of my memoir, which I viewed as a love letter to my two only sons, (they are twelve years apart), I went through a catharsis. My thoughts were the same as yours: do I dare, should I share, “what ifs”, and on and on.
    Even though I had finished, I was still questioning myself a year later. I came across another book on memoir and snatched it up (I already had five books on the subject). This one was titled “Drunk, Naked, and Writing.” a glance at the index and the chapter titled “How to Write a Memoir” caught my eye. A few sentences in I made a wonderful discovery. I had written a rant about my mother and not a love letter to my sons.
    Like you, the healing that took place for me was enormous, but I knew I had to pull all the things about my relationship with my mom. Those words were not the woman my boys knew. So I now have a love letter for them.
    Best of luck at the agent.
    Hope to see you in print soon, Jan Myhre, Haven Alum

  • Trish
    Posted at 09:28h, 04 March

    I’ve often thought of writing a memoir, but am afraid of telling too much trust and being sued!

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 23:03h, 09 March

      We ALL worry about that. Write it, then edit it…you’ll be amazed at how my story changed over the las 3 years.

  • Nancy Weiss
    Posted at 22:10h, 04 March

    Wow! I’ve never thought about the impact that one persons life story has on others. All things considered it’s certainly a journey that makes you wonder how to proceed. Mmm…. I’m interested in following along and wish you all the best in getting your life story published.

    Regards,
    Nancy

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 23:02h, 09 March

      Thank you! One adjective can change the entire meaning of a sentence…and the impression your reading has of your character.

  • Angie
    Posted at 00:06h, 05 March

    It’s a crazy emotional journey indeed. I’m curious about your happy end.

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 23:01h, 09 March

      Yes, indeed. Hopefully I’ll be able to let this story fly soon.

  • Rosemary Davis
    Posted at 02:10h, 06 March

    Wow, the sharing is also about the caring for the thoughts and feelings of others. A very thought provoking insight.

    Best of luck on the next step of your journey.

    Rosemary

    • lisaweldon
      Posted at 23:00h, 09 March

      Writing my story has been very healing, in so many ways…and SO challenging.